You’ve heard of Adele, right? I loved her back when virtually nobody knew about her, back when it seemed absurd for a white British girl to sing like a soulful Southern black woman, back when I was fat. And God love her, she’s fat too so I felt this camaraderie. Well, now I’m not fat, but I still love her. And one of the things I love about her, besides the fact that she is incredibly talented and so gorgeous!, is that her past two albums have been titled after how old she was when she wrote them – sort of an homage to where she was in life at that time. So in that vein, I’ve titled this post 15.

Why Fifteen? Great question! Let’s explain. The past month or two I’ve been in this holding pattern, where my weight was back and forth between the same 5-pound range. It was infuriating. Yes, I’m aware that water retention, hormones, time of day, etc. can change all this. But based on  consistent factors, I was going in circles on the scale. On top of that, I am so CLOSE to my “Never in a million years will this happen, but I wish it would” goal of being both a size 8 and weighing in the “normal” section of the charts doctors post that you look at and think “Who actually fits into these ranges?”

Well, in 15 short pounds I will fit into that range. And this morning when the scale told me that, I literally squealed with delight. No, I’m not normally that girl, but this happened to coincide with a change in the second number of my weight that I hadn’t seen before and I was happy about it. It’s weird, looking back at all of this, how my body has changed and how people treat me now. I feel like the world is open to me now, which is odd because it’s not as if there was a big “Do NOT Enter” sign in my way before.

I’m still amazed by what this tool has done for me. I am slightly less terrified that I’ll screw it up, given that I’m obviously not gaining weight back and it’s been 16 months. Clearly losing another 15 is the big goal, and maybe the grand supreme of all impossibilities, a bikini, will happen in Summer 2012. I’m trying to lose a solid 5 pounds (though I’m really shooting for 9) by Christmas. I have just over five weeks to accomplish this. Ok, now that I said that out loud to myself, maybe the 9 won’t happen. But I’ve also been SO busy I haven’t really worked out in the past few months so I’m hoping that when I start hitting the gym a bit harder that things will move a little quicker.

No matter what happens, I’m still so thankful for what this process has done for me. I’m happy that I will feel like a beautiful bride and when people tell me that, I will believe them. I’m happy that I can feel my fiancée able to touch his elbow with his opposite hand when he hugs me. And even if I, for some reason, never lose that 15 pounds and technically remain in the dreaded overweight category of the chart, I have achieved so much so I think I can live with that too.

Thanks for reading! – A


November 18, 2011. Tags: , , . 2011.

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