Sometimes You Have to Stop and Think About What Really Matters
Earlier today, I scheduled my first consultation with a really reputable plastic surgeon so that I can discuss my arms. I know it’s still a bit too soon, but if I’m going to by paying five g’s for something I want to make sure I know all about it before I pull the trigger, even if I’m still at least six months away. Making these appointments now really lets me sit on whether attempting to do this before the wedding is the best way to go.
So of course in my true obsessive way, I begin to cut up the conversation I had with the consultation coordinator. Should I get this done? Should I get it done now? She suggested nine months of time between the surgery and the wedding, but everything else I read online said six – is she right? I paid for braces myself, should I add another expense now that they’re paid off? Clearly I was getting nowhere, asking questions to which there are no answers now and generally being batty.
I logged into Facebook for a little distraction from myself when I saw a post from a college friend, Laura. Laura is young, beautiful, funny and a cancer patient. Having seen a post from Laura, I pulled up her blog to see if she’d written something recently. I’ve been reading her blog about her journey for months and it occasionally mentioned a woman named Sarah. Today, I saw a post saying that Sarah has passed away. Something compelled me, perhaps because she was so young, but something made me pull up Sarah’s blog today. There are a lot of video posts that I can’t really check out at work, but I read everything written, from beginning to end.
Much like Laura, Sarah got cancer when she was a single gal. And also like Laura, she got married soon thereafter, knowing that she had cancer and that “til death do us part” held a lot more weight. Laura’s condition seems to be improving since she had a bone marrow transplant last summer. Sarah found out she had cancer in March, married in November, and died yesterday. A lot of Laura’s posts say things about being thankful for her husband, how he’s been her strength when she had none. And as I read the last post on Sarah’s blog, a post written by her husband, I’m sure she’d have said the same thing.
When I processed all that I read, all that I thought…all I could do was feel guilty about all this nonsensical stress that I’ve been causing myself. I felt sad for Laura, having lost a friend who was going through a journey that they unfortunately had in common. I felt sad for Sarah’s husband, having had such a short time with the person he loved most in the world. I felt sad for Laura’s husband, having to bite back the thought that he may one day have to write a similar post.
My wedding is important to me, but it’s not the end-all. I’m glad to be able to appreciate such examples like Laura and Sarah who could celebrate love and life, even in the darkest times. Each time I get a little out of control, I hope I’ll remember writing this post and how I feel right now. I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, so I won’t. But I just want to say, I am so incredibly lucky. Lucky for my health, lucky for my support system of friends and family, lucky to have another day to try again. And you are too.
Thanks for reading. – A